Turning 40 with Grace

Turning 40 with Grace

I’m turning 40 next week. Obviously I’ve known that this was going to happen but I didn’t expect to freak out about it. But I did.

Did you freak out when you turned 40? Or maybe a friend of yours did?

In my conversations lately, I’ve had people tell me their 40s were or are the best! Others have told me to get over it, it’s just a number, nothing to see here. Others have stated that now I can expect all kinds of body changes, aches, pains, and other stuff I don’t really want to experience.

It’s amazing how much advice there is out there for women who are turning 40. Google it, you’ll see for yourself.

  1. Rules for makeup
  2. Rules for style,
  3. What to start doing,
  4. What to stop doing,
  5. What to stop saying,
  6. What to start saying, 
  7. What to get over,
  8. What to let go
  9. Etc…etc

Some of it is terribly awful advice! Some makes sense. Some is even uplifting and inspiring and I was glad I found it.

But in spite of all these opinions on how I should or shouldn’t be handling this transition in my life, I decided to allow myself to experience it and all its facets.

On my own terms.

Have you noticed that when you give yourself permission to do it your way, whatever “it” is, it seems to become easier?

So, I allowed myself to freak out and really feel what’s going on inside.

I dove into the “what’s beneath those feelings?” question.

I’ve also just observed my emotions and let them ebb and flow without trying to change them.

I’ve asked what does all this mean about me?

I’ve catastrophized the worst case scenario, judged myself harshly, loved myself deeply.

And I think because I’ve allowed myself to ride this roller coaster, I stopped freaking out. I found peace and I celebrated.

It wasn’t always this way…

The old me would have clung to the judgments and ruminated over all the things I didn’t do, don’t have, and haven’t experienced, etc. In fact, I spent a great deal of my 30s in a cycle of emotional drowning and coming up for air only to nearly drown again in victimhood, despair, depression, and not-enoughness.

Even my 20s weren’t that glorious. I was just becoming self aware and the idea of personal responsibility scared me. I blamed a lot, had the worst post-natal depression after becoming a mom for the second time, and overall felt like I was missing out on life.

The blessing in disguise:

What my 20s did spark, after a very dark night of the soul (or two) is this path that I’ve walked since then. Actually, “walked” is too pretty a word – I desperately clung to the railings whenever I could find one to lean on, clawing my way up some invisible mountain, hoping to arrive sooner than later because I wanted relief from my own mind, emotions and circumstances so badly. Most of my 30s were spent searching and studying how to fix myself and heal from the wounds that had ripped me open when my father walked out and later as I became a mom.

How would you sum up the path through your 20s and 30s?

I hated the path and couldn’t wait to stop trudging along it from age 26 till age 37 when I saw a glimpse of hope for myself and at age 39 when I finally had my complete, mental and emotional healing. (Thanks to Wayne Dyer dying and the Akashic Records – but that’s another story).

All of a sudden I found myself loving life, loving myself and feeling happy for no reason. Happy for no reason? I was just noticing how weird that felt and then boom – I realized my 40s are looming.

But this time, I wasn’t going to drown or even tread water. After what I’d walked through this was going to be a piece of cake!

I knew I was strong enough, supported enough, smart enough. I was enough.

And I had all the tools I’d learned along my path that I knew I could rely on. And here I am, 5 days before the big day and I’m feeling settled and content. In fact, I’m inspired and in love with my life, and myself.

That path that I hated so much has been my biggest blessing and I now I have finally chosen to see it and accept it.

Would I change some things? Yep.

Do I still have forgiveness to do? Yep, especially towards myself.

Do I have all my shit figured out? Not even close.

But in a moment of grace today I saw my path illuminated in front of me just like a lightning bolt illuminates a valley at night. Where before I had been trudging with just a flashlight, now I could see it all and more importantly, I could feel it inside me. It had been there all along, I simply catch up to myself.

In that moment of grace, I let go of my hate for my struggle, my “failures,” my mistakes, my choices, my fuck ups, and many of my fears.

I said yes to the vision. I said yes to myself even though I knew only this first step – write this blog post, share this story – before you start overthinking.

We don’t have to follow terrible advice, rules about makeup, dressing our age, or any other dumb “should, must or need to.”

As women, we are wise enough to know what’s best for our bodies, minds, and souls, and now, more than ever, we have access to resources to help us get our happy.

We get to make our own rules and follow our own paths. It doesn’t mean we have to do it alone, reject anything about our journey so far, or change everything cold turkey. It means deeper self acceptance, forgiveness, choosing, and deciding from a place of inner knowing. How freaking exciting is that!?

Here’s to turning 40! It’s gonna be epic!

Kasia Rachfall is an intuitive coach, healer, and artist working with the Akashic Records to help spiritual women break generational patterns of feeling inherently broken so they can feel whole and have the freedom to accept their imperfect selves fully, at any age!

Grab Kasia's free audio course Feel Safe Feeling here to learn how to decode and release the difficult emotions that steal your joy, peace and happiness. It's a shitty day emergency kit for your emotional triggers.

Turning 40 with grace - the freakout, the lessons, the releaseTurning 40 with grace, Kasia Rachfall, Intuitive Coach, Healer, Artist
Why you can’t get to self love through self judgement

Why you can’t get to self love through self judgement

You can’t get to self love through self judgement. 

At some point, women decided that to love themselves, first, they need to fix themselves. 

I call bullshit! 
That’s not true! 

You can’t judge yourself, berate yourself, or hate yourself enough to come out the other side in love with yourself!

I know because I’ve tried. Have you ever tried it, too?

I spent years digging up all the limitations, beliefs, pain, and old stuff so that I could finally heal. And the shitty part is, that I kept finding more and more! It was a bottomless pit of crap that kept me stuck in the pattern of self judgment and nowhere near self love.

I’m not saying to stop all self development, healing or personal growth work altogether. There is a time and place for it and it’s incredibly useful and empowering. But not when it’s used in an addictive way to try and fix yourself because you believe you’re broken.

How do you know if you’re using personal development to actually slow yourself down? When you seek the lessons at all costs and you dig and dig through your shit hoping to release all of it and have that magical moment of transformation when everything feels ok and your life magically transforms.

I have been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. How about you? And, did it work? Did it change everything?

I’m willing to bet that no, it didn’t. In fact, it probably made you feel worse, more broken, and feeling like nothing will ever work for you. That’s how it made me feel. Certainly, it brought some progress, but definitely not the magic solution that fixed it all. 

 

The truth is, none of us are broken. We simply forget that we are whole and worthy because of our experiences in life. And we’re not meant to be perfect, we’re meant to be whole and the only way to get to wholeness is to remember it. You don’t have to earn it because you already have it and are it. 

And I’ve found that the fastest way to remember your wholeness is to love yourself more, not less. And the fastest path to self love is:

1. To allow yourself to screw up, 
2. To look for all the ways in which you’re already fabulous, amazing, enough, worthy, beautiful, smart, etc 
3. To build yourself up, not tear yourself down.
4. To use personal growth as a tool, not as a crutch.

How do you make the switch from judgment to self love? 

1. You choose to. 
2. You practice it every moment that you remember. 
3. And you let yourself off the hook when you forget.

And if you need help breaking the pattern of self judgment, then join my Unlock You workshop on January 22, 2018. It’s my gift to you. We use the power of hindsight to unravel self judgment and get closer to self love.

Kasia Rachfall is an intuitive coach, healer, and artist working with the Akashic Records to help spiritual women break generational patterns of feeling inherently broken so they can feel whole and have the freedom to accept their imperfect selves fully, at any age!

Grab Kasia's free audio course Feel Safe Feeling here to learn how to decode and release the difficult emotions that steal your joy, peace and happiness. It's a shitty day emergency kit for your emotional triggers.

You will never get to self love through self judgment and what to do instead.3 journal prompts to tap into the power of hindsight & unravel judgment

3 journal prompts to tap into the power of hindsight & unravel judgment. Kasia Rachfall, Intuitive Coach, Healer, Artist

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How to Build Vulnerability from the Inside Out

How to Build Vulnerability from the Inside Out

How can I practice being more vulnerable and still feel safe?

Have you every wondered this?

It’s a million dollar question that I have asked myself and was asked by a client. I want to share with you the intuitive guidance that came through for her and has stayed with me and led to a beautiful vulnerability practice.

This word…Vulnerability…can feel so scary and foreign.

“In our culture,” says Dr. Brené Brown, “we associate vulnerability with emotions we want to avoid such as fear, shame, and uncertainty. Yet we too often lose sight of the fact that vulnerability is also the birthplace of joy, belonging, creativity, authenticity, and love.”

When we’re afraid of being vulnerable we often hide, make ourselves wrong for what we think are mistakes we’ve made, and we numb our negative emotions. Unfortunately, when we numb the emotions we don’t want to feel, a side effect is numbing the feel-good feelings, too: Joy, Excitement, Happiness, Powerfulness, Purposefulness, and many other emotions also become unreachable and feel just as foreign.

Have you ever seen a beautiful sunset or heard of a heartwarming story and felt those warm fuzzy feelings inside only to suddenly become busy doing something else? Or you teared up and felt like your chest would burst so you turned away and distracted yourself with food, a conversation, etc?

The positive feelings can become just as overwhelming as the negative ones and we habitually resist them all. The good news is, it’s just a habit and can be changed. 

The thing is, being vulnerable doesn’t have to mean we begin to share everything about ourselves with the outside world. If being vulnerable can be thought of as the opposite of hiding and numbing then this means we first need to feel safe feeling our own emotions.

An important skill becomes being vulnerable with yourself, first and foremost, and to begin practicing vulnerability, a good place to start is inside you with your own feelings.

When you can feel safe feeling your own emotions in every moment, you are being vulnerable with yourself.

This means all emotions and not just the positive ones that we so often crave.

It certainly means feeling the good emotions like joy, happiness, elation, excitement, and purpose.

It also means feeling neutral, bored, annoyed, and frustrated, etc.

AND it means feeling the hard emotions that don’t feel good like sadness, anger, even despair sometimes.

Try this:

As often as you remember throughout your day, focus in on what you’re feeling and become really aware of that feeling, no matter what it is. Do your best to stick with the feeling without running away from it. Notice what happens in your body. Notice your breath. Notice what your mind is narrating to you in that moment. And notice, too, that when you simply observe the feeling it eventually passes.

You can also seek out stories, videos, poems, art, and experiences that invoke emotions inside you so that you can practice feeling them more and more. Funny cats, heroic humans, photos of sunsets or puppies, etc, can all serve as catalysts for igniting emotions so you can practice feeling them and observing them.

Your emotions aren’t who you are, they are simply experiences you’re having. 

It takes consistent practice to un-numb your emotions and feel them. In the beginning, it will feel very weird and you may even think it’s stupid. I certainly did, and my clients have said this, too.

But it’s only weird because you’re not used to doing it. The more you practice and the safer you feel feeling your own stuff, the more you will also exercise your vulnerability muscle because you will know that you can handle any emotion that your body conjures up.

If you have a backlog of these emotions and you’ve numbed them for a while, this process of opening yourself up to feel them and release them can feel intimidating. Ask for help if you need it and work with a practitioner, coach, healer, or therapist that you feel safe with to help you clear this backlog. Much of the work I do with women is clearing emotion and I’m happy to help you, too. 

Inside you is where true vulnerability begins and grows. When you reach a degree of inner peace you can practice sharing your inner world with others that you trust and grow your vulnerability comfort zone.

Vulnerability isn’t a destination we reach as much as it is a path of becoming. It’s getting to know ourselves and what we’re made of. And an easy place to begin is inside yourself because you already have access to that information. To help with this path, I have created a free audio course on how to feel safe feeling and release your negative emotions. You can snag it here.

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How to build vulnerability from the inside out. Kasia Rachfall Intuitive Coach, Healer, ArtistHow to build vulnerability from the inside out. Kasia Rachfall Intuitive Coach, Healer, Artist

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Kasia Rachfall is an intuitive coach, healer, and artist working with the Akashic Records to help spiritual women break generational patterns of feeling inherently broken so they can feel whole and have the freedom to accept their imperfect selves fully, at any age!

Grab Kasia's free audio course Feel Safe Feeling here to learn how to decode and release the difficult emotions that steal your joy, peace and happiness. It's a shitty day emergency kit for your emotional triggers.

How to build vulnerability from the inside out.
Getting Real about Coaching and Healing Work

Getting Real about Coaching and Healing Work

I seldom rant. How about you?

But recently I decided to get real about a topic that I’m super passionate about. And I got real on video!

I was pretty passionate and spoke with…I’ll call it…emphasis and I’m certain a ruffled a bunch of feathers.

Would you call that a rant?

I see ranting more as bitching or complaining about something. I spoke about what it really takes to heal. I wasn’t complaining, in fact, I was calling out the complainers.

Yep, I did!

And I had a bit of a vulnerability hangover after. If you don’t know what that is, read my post here.

What brought this on?

I got sick of hearing brilliant, intelligent, ambitious women putting themselves down, believing they don’t have what it takes to be successful or even be happier, and choosing to stay stuck.

Because it’s a choice. That probably sounds really harsh, stay with me.

When we experience shit in our life, and we all do, our first coping mechanism is typically stuffing down our emotions and just trying to make it through. Eventually, we become aware that we want to stop feeling the pain of those hard circumstances and we decide to look for something that will help us.

Or something that will save us.

Whether it’s a therapist, a book, a journal, meditation, a course, etc, we try to find a solution outside of ourselves that will help us feel better, release the shame, the disempowerment, the limitations, and the negative emotions we constantly live with.

The truth is, any solution that we find can only work if we choose to participate. And I mean really do the work, not just “try it and hope for the best.” Trying something leaves room for staying stuck when it gets hard. It’s a fierce commitment that’s truly necessary to transform and heal from our pain.

The tools we use along the way will work only as well as we decide to wield them because the real power of transformation lies inside us. Not outside us.

A solution women turn to is coaching and healing because it’s so much easier to go through that shit in our past with someone who can hold a loving space for us. But again, the power of transformation doesn’t like with the coach or healer. All they can do is shine a light on us, the rest is up to us.

And….the truth is, healing and coaching are not all rainbows and unicorns; it can be hard and it can feel like you’re slogging through a tar pit sometimes. And that’s because in order to get the transformation you want you have to retrain your body and your mind habits to focus your energy towards what you want. You have to be willing to look at your shadow and your shame. You have to be willing to answer hard questions you’ve never been asked before. You have to be willing to make different choices and decisions and have difficult conversations.

And not everyone is willing to do that. When it gets hard, it’s easier to say, “I tried, but it didn’t work. Oh well, poor me.”

It’s easier to complain because it helps us to justify why we’re stuck.

There is often secondary gain, meaning we get something out of staying stuck like sympathy, commiseration from others, the “right” to complain, asking for help from a hopeless place.

It’s also easier and feels safer and more comfortable to do the busy work instead of the important work that actually creates change.

I know because that used to be me!

Ever found yourself avoiding or telling yourself you don’t know? Or complaining to your friends that you can’t catch a break? And secretly hating and being jealous of those who appeared to have it all?

And feeling like you didn’t get the memo on how to create the success you want?

That definitely used to be me!

The thing is, the pain of what happened to us in life (or a past life) certainly hurts, but once we know we can change but don’t, it’s the pain of staying stuck that hurts more. Like I said, I lived this and I know all about this.

And I don’t know about you but I don’t like being stuck and knowing I can do something different. It’s my feisty side.

Which is why I decided to open up a conversation about what it really takes to heal and transform your life to have the time, money, relationships, confidence, self acceptance, all that yummy stuff!

Choosing to finally get past that thing in your past is going to require full participation. And there are some things you need to be prepared for if you’re serious about starting down this path.

 

Here they are in no particular order:

  • Know that it’s not always going to be easy and that to heal yourself from your past you will have to choose to keep going even when it gets hard and when you unearth truths you don’t like. And you’ll have to keep choosing and keeping going and going and going.
  • You get to choose and decide every moment to focus on what you want.  (there’s a lot of science behind this, check out Dr. Bruce Lipton’s work or the movie What The Bleep Do We Know?)
  • You must choose and decide some more and then choose and decide some more.
  • Definitely ask for help from a coach or healer and be willing to receive the help. Because they can help you, but you have to participate because no one can save you, only you can choose and decide to save yourself, one step at a time.
  • Remember that it takes a lot of energy to get moving in the direction you want to go, and once the momentum takes you and you fill up the hole of your emotional deficit, it gets easier.
  • You have to choose to commit to your transformation more than you are committed to your pain.
  • You choose and decide at every moment what you want to become more of your powerful self, your confident, whole, accepting self.

A great place to start any transformation and change is with a perspective shift. Get your free PDF guide on the 9 Perspective Secrets for Success and Inner Power. 

The path can be hard but it doesn’t have to be. You can enjoy the challenge and get excited about what is ahead for you: all the time, money, experiences, relationships, fulfillment, self confidence, self love, and meaning that you want.

Tell me, have you ever been afraid of what you’ll have to do in order to heal from your shit and live the life you want?

It’s a common fear but it doesn’t have to stop you. When you’re committed to your highest self you won’t mind the journey. So have the courage to begin.

Here’s the video I recorded so you can watch the full thing. I talk neuroscience and spirituality and everything in between. https://www.facebook.com/KasiaRachfallPage/videos/1319780204795104/ 

Kasia Rachfall is an intuitive coach, healer, and artist working with the Akashic Records to help spiritual women break generational patterns of feeling inherently broken so they can feel whole and have the freedom to accept their imperfect selves fully, at any age!

Grab Kasia's free audio course Feel Safe Feeling here to learn how to decode and release the difficult emotions that steal your joy, peace and happiness. It's a shitty day emergency kit for your emotional triggers.

3 Secrets to Success

3 Secrets to Success

Have you ever compared yourself to really successful women?

You know, the ones who love themselves, accept their own flaws, ooze confidence and self trust, and whatever they choose to do turns out beautifully?

I’ll be honest with you, I used to be so freaking jealous of those women!

I was certain they knew something that I didn’t know…like they had a secret code to success and I hadn’t received that memo.

And I would beat myself up and think I wasn’t good enough and blah, blah, blah…insert your choice of victim mode here.

Does that sound familiar?

The truth is, the secrets to success and self love aren’t so secret.

Everyone can have access to the principles and practices that allow us to cultivate success.

BUT often they are so simple that we think they must not be true. Especially if you believe that to be successful you have to work hard and that there is virtue in struggling.

These are common beliefs and they are perpetuated in our lives through the media, our religious institutions, our schools, our families. Those beliefs around “hard work pays off” and “the early bird gets the worm” are motivational in theory. But they can also be like cement boots. 

If we decide that we aren’t working hard enough or we aren’t showing up as the early bird, we can really turn against ourselves. Living and working from a place of not enoughness and scarcity brings more not enoughness and scarcity, no matter how much hard work we do.

Achieving success, prosperity, health, or a loving relationship does mean we need to show up and take action. How we show up and the energy with which we take that action is even more important than the work itself. 

I spent a lot of years discounting the simple stuff that success is made of because of the limiting beliefs and old stories I had. Until a coach called me on it and challenged me to try something different. So I took a really big look at how I was using my energy in everything I was doing.

The energy of expectations, the evidence I was noticing, even the why behind everything I did. And I got really honest with myself. And I realized the sources of my self sabotage and where I could shift to tap into success. 

And that’s what I am challenging you to look at, too!

But where do you begin?

What do you shift first?

What is the most important thing to look at?

The most important place to begin is with your willingness to commit to yourself:

Are you willing to tell yourself the truth?

Are you willing to stop blaming yourself and others and take responsibility for where you’re at and where you’re going?

Are you willing to prioritize and build your energetic focus and connection to your inner power?

Clearing out our past pain which can keep us stuck is only part of the success formula. After that comes the building of who you are from the foundation that you are whole and powerful. This is a state of being and not just a feeling. And practicing that state of being takes consistent daily commitment. 

Three important perspective shifts or practices to commit to and begin living from are:

  1. Doing the mindset work regularly versus only when you feel shitty. Doing something like journaling or meditation once in a while can help you get over a shitty day, but when you practice empowering mindset habits daily, it helps you catch yourself before you fall into a funk and have a shitty week or month.
  2. Expecting things to work versus hoping for the best. When you take action do you hope it will work out and see how it goes? Or do you intend with conviction that the Universe is doing everything in its power to support you and will bring you exactly what you need, even if it doesn’t look how you thought?
  3. Knowing why you’re doing the things you do: is it because you hope to fix something you think is broken inside you? Or because you know it will help you become the best version of yourself and grow your inner strength and power?

Really take a good look at your actions, thoughts, and energy and how you direct them.Telling yourself the truth about what you believe, what you tell yourself, and why you do things will help you zero in on where you’re sabotaging your own success. 

Kasia Rachfall is an intuitive coach, healer, and artist working with the Akashic Records to help spiritual women break generational patterns of feeling inherently broken so they can feel whole and have the freedom to accept their imperfect selves fully, at any age!

Grab Kasia's free audio course Feel Safe Feeling here to learn how to decode and release the difficult emotions that steal your joy, peace and happiness. It's a shitty day emergency kit for your emotional triggers.

Tips to make choices and decisions easier

Tips to make choices and decisions easier

What do you feel when you hear the word CHOICE?

Or the word DECIDE?

What does your mind immediately jump to?

For me those two words used to conjure up fear, uncertainty, feeling incapable, feeling trapped. 

Choices and decisions were very hard for me to make, too, because of a deep seated belief that nothing I choose or decide matters because it won’t work anyway. I was afraid to choose because that meant I could make a mistake. And I’d already made so many mistakes in my past! And I hated choosing because I felt like nothing would ever change anyway.

Does that ring true for you, too?

The crappiest thing was, I intellectually knew that to participate in creating a life you love we must make choices.

I’m sure you know this, as well.

But knowing this wasn’t enough. I had to break free of that belief so that I could feel safe deciding and choosing instead of constantly recreating chaos, struggle, feeling like a victim of circumstances, and feeling stuck.

The truth is, sometimes the choices are simple and sometimes they’re hard. And sometimes there is no easy and obvious decision and we must dig really deep for clarity.

And each choice we are faced with gives us the opportunity to get to know our beliefs, to release what no longer serves us, and to become more courageous in our life.

I have found that it’s the fear of making the wrong choice or of missing out on what you don’t choose that often stops women like you and I.

The truth also is that there are no wrong choices.

Each path you can take will invite you to grow, change, and expand, even when it doesn’t feel good.

It will require you to become more than who you are now.

It will push your boundaries and make you feel deeply.

When you’re ready for this and you know it’s inevitable you can face it head on from a place of strength, courage, and inner power.

When you expect there to be only 1 magical choice that will easily get you what you want you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

Make choices courageously and from your heart. That’s when the Universe puts wind in your sails.

 

 

Here’s an exercise you can do. Answer these questions for yourself and tell yourself the truth.

  • What is the easiest choice you ever made?
  • What is the hardest choice you ever made?
  • What made one easy and the other hard?
  • What did you learn about yourself as a result of each choice?
  • Which one helped you grow more?
  • Now that you can look back, what made the hard choice hard and the easy choice easy?
  • Now that you can look back, was any fear or uncertainty you felt around that choice justified?
  • If not, how can you tap into what you learned about yourself the next time you are faced with what appears to be a hard choice?  

 

Kasia Rachfall is an intuitive coach, healer, and artist working with the Akashic Records to help spiritual women break generational patterns of feeling inherently broken so they can feel whole and have the freedom to accept their imperfect selves fully, at any age!

Grab Kasia's free audio course Feel Safe Feeling here to learn how to decode and release the difficult emotions that steal your joy, peace and happiness. It's a shitty day emergency kit for your emotional triggers.