Has this ever happened to you?

You’re living your life and you notice that you’re not as happy as you used to be.

Or perhaps you’ve never really been very happy and you want to change something.

And you realize that the life you’re living doesn’t reflect the person that you’re becoming or have become.

And there are things that you’re settling for and not enjoying such as people, experiences, or your work. 

It really feels like you don’t belong in this life that you’ve created but you feel like you’re stuck moving forward.

You have this comfortable comfort zone and yet it’s becoming really, really uncomfortable to stay in it because it’s not what you want anymore. 

Been there! And many of the women that I work with have also found themselves there. They wanted to change something because it wasn’t working for them anymore but they felt stuck because they didn’t know how to start. I work with women who are in their 40s and beyond and feeling stuck and not as happy as they “should be” because they’ve ticked all the boxes and created a comfort zone that is comfortable because it’s familiar but it doesn’t fit them anymore. We release the old patterns and limiting beliefs and perspectives so that they can consciously create what they want so they can thrive on their own terms. 

When you find  yourself in that comfort zone that’s feeling uncomfortable and you feel like you don’t belong or you should be somewhere else and you want to change. I want to address why you may be feeling stuck because there are different reasons and one that underlies them that’s probably the culprit.

1. It’s possible that you’re stuck because you don’t know what to do next. You’re used to your routine and habits that you’ve had for a long time and you don’t know what to change first. 
2. Another reason is because you don’t know what you want instead. You know you don’t want this: the feelings, the relationships, that thing that’s not working for you, but you’re not sure what you want instead.
3. The underlying reason is likely much more subtle and you really need to tell yourself the truth about whether this resonates for you: the underlying reason is that you’re afraid of the change itself and of what will be required of you to change? What will your friends and family think?

This is a big one because when we change it can make others uncomfortable, even if the change is good for us. You may worry about what others will think of you and how they will judge you. Will they think that you’re having a midlife crisis? Will they judge me?

You never really know who you will become when you make changes in your life – you only know that you will be different. What will the consequences of the change be? Many of the consequences may be wanted and some may be unwanted. The only certainty is that when you take the steps to create something new things will transform and change and bring unexpected twists and turns. 

I can tell you from personal experience and from working with women that this has kept many of us stuck. The excitement and desire of the new doesn’t always outweigh what we think we’re leaving behind. 

So, what do you do?

First, and before you even take a step in the new direction you need to acknowledge the truth and what your’re feeling. 

“I’m so afraid”

“I’m so uncertain / overwhelmed /  nervous.”

Or whatever it is that you’re truly feeling – you need to be willing to name that emotion and be willing to feel it. You can’t pretend it’s not there and sweep it under the proverbial rug. Be willing to sit with it and feel it and acknowledge that this is the truth for you right now. 

This permission that you give to yourself for acknowledging and allowing yourself to feel the truth will bring you immense relief. When you honestly allow yourself to feel that thing that you don’t want to feel, you allow it pass and release faster than if you resist it and pretend it doesn’t exist. 

Second, ask yourself this hard question. I love hard questions because they have the power to truly unlock what it is inside us that wants to be free. Ask yourself “what do I want more? The pain of staying here? Or the exhilaration of creating something different?” 

Really take the time to reflect on this. Journal. Go for a walk. Talk to a friend. Etc. Be honest with yourself because now that you’re aware that you’re uncomfortable here, guess what? If you stay here knowing that you’re uncomfortable it’s just going to compound and get worse. 

Sometimes the change is painful and takes time to get through. But staying stuck, knowing you’re stuck and pretending you’re not, is worse! You can ask for help – you don’t have to do it by yourself. You can work with a coach or healer or have a trusted friend support you and have your back so that you don’t have to feel alone making that change. 

Next, you can ask yourself another powerful question. Have you ever done something in your life where you took the steps, you got unstuck, even though you were afraid, and the results were more than you ever thought possible? It opened up possibilities and brought you to a place where you thrived. I’m sure you have examples of that in your life, whether they’re big or small. When you focus on those and you focus on the strength that you already have inside you, the skill to change and take those steps and create a new comfort zone is already inside you, you just need to tap into them and remember that they’re there. 

You can draw on that strength and take the very first next step. Don’t worry about step 20 or step 40. It doesn’t matter what those steps are going to be. Right now start with this: acknowledge, reflect, and decide to take the very first next step that seems like it’s in the right direction. 

Sometimes we do have deep emotions and old wounds and stories that  we need help to heal. Perhaps you’re dealing with unworthiness or shame from the past. Reach out and let’s have a call. I want to help you get past that thing in your past so that you can live a life you love and thrive in. And if you know someone who needs to hear this message and needs help, share this with them. There is no reason why any woman should feel uncomfortable in her life and feel stuck by all the crap that she sees standing in her way. You can release your past and your limitations without having to revisit old emotions and stories and then build forward with confidence.