Have you ever noticed that when you start working on yourself, whether it’s something small or big, things seem to get worse before they get better?

This isn’t an absolute rule by any stretch, but I’ve found both personally and working with clients that shit hits the fan before things level off again and you start to feel better mentally, emotionally, and even physically.

This isn’t something that can be swept under the rug. Whether you’re working on stuff by yourself, such as through a digital course, or with a healer or a coach, things will bubble up to the surface and it can feel like you’re taking 1 step forward and 5 steps back.

Why is that? And more importantly, what can we do about it?

Our subconscious mind starts to record everything the moment we’re born, and even before that. As we grow and we get conditioned to the way our family is and the way society is, we tend to shove down our emotions and not listen to our intuition, sometimes we may need to protect ourselves from things that don’t make us feel safe, that don’t feel good, or things that hurt us. This can be trauma or drama of any kind. Often, from a very young age we spend a lot of time coping and just trying to get through.

We’re actually not designed to hold onto our stuff. There are cultures around the world like the Ancient Hawaiians or certain tribes in Africa that don’t hold onto their emotions. As a result of this their people are a lot healthier. For those of us who have grown up it the western world, we tend to stuff our emotions and our pain down.

We get to a certain threshold, however, and we decide to work on our stuff because we don’t want to deal with it anymore. You might find yourself saying “I’m always triggered emotionally, I’m always accosted by negative emotions, I’m finding myself in the same situations over and over again!” Whether it’s toxic relationships, weight issues, job issues, friendship losses and finding yourself in between friends a lot. 

There are so many different scenarios where you can really dig down and uncover why this is happening and why you keep repeating these patterns, it’s because of the stuff deep inside your subconscious. And this is why you decide to now heal this stuff. 

So, you decide and your subconscious mind says “Great! But I don’t trust you yet.”

As you begin to work on this stuff you will first need to develop a level of trust with yourself because up until that point you have been stuffing everything down. You didn’t know any better! This isn’t about anything being your fault. Perhaps your parents didn’t teach you because their parents didn’t teach them. The people who took care of you didn’t know how to release their stuff so they didn’t teach you. 

And now you’ve been working on yourself and perhaps reading books, taking courses or working with a healer or a coach, and you’re learning how to process your stuff, you’re developing this rapport and connection between you and your subconscious mind. As soon as you do enough of this work, your subconscious mind says “Ok, now you’re serious, here’s a whole bunch of crap that you still have to deal with in order to really feel better and really get what you want.”

So that part of you – the subconscious or the inner child – that has coped, that has tried to keep you safe, that has tried to help you feel as empowered as possible under the circumstances of your life needs to catch up a little bit and trust you. Once it trusts you then it’s like you’ve opened the door to old, estranged relatives. Now that you’re connected they all want to come visit and crowd through the door and here’s all your shit that you can now deal with. 

This is why things often feel like they get worse before they get better. When all your pain or trauma from your past comes knocking because you’re ready and serious to process it and release it, old emotions can come up and this isn’t a comfortable process. Thankfully there are modalities and techniques that allow you to release this stuff without having to feel it again and retraumatize yourself.  If you have PTSD, for example, there are techniques such as Time Line Therapy™/Mental Emotional Release Techniques™ that release it without having to relive those emotions and memories. It’s one of my favourite processes to use with my clients. 

Just because your past has come knocking doesn’t mean you have to relive it. And keep in mind that you’re not doing anything wrong just because more and more stuff is coming up for you. You’re doing it right because it’s coming up and it means your unconscious mind trusts you and it means you trust you to finally let this shit go and move on with your life. And now you can start thriving and focus your energy and your actions and behaviours on what you want instead of just stuffing it all down and just coping and surviving. 

I want to underline this: when things start to get worse as you’re on a healing journey and on this path to getting to know who you are and what you truly want, it will get uncomfortable but that means you’re doing it right. 

So, keep working and taking the steps. On days when it’s especially hard and you feel like you can’t do this…you can do this! That’s when you have to reach out for help. That’s when working with a coach or healer is amazing because they hold you in that space of safety, wholeness, and possibility and your greatest good when you can’t find it yourself. Or perhaps you have a trusted friend or loved one who can be that soft place for you to fall. We all have shitty days but they don’t have to last forever if we reach out and ask for help. 

If you don’t have anyone in your life that you can ask for help, allow yourself to do something that helps you feel a bit better. Listen to Abraham Hicks, go for a walk, pet your dog / cat, watch funny animal videos, etc. Do something that will help you beat the funk. Remember, though, to not expect yourself to go from pissed to blissed in one jump. Do your best to feel grateful for the path that you’ve already walked and all the steps you’ve already taken. Pat yourself on the back for your courage, see the greatness in yourself and look for the evidence that it’s all working out for you.