One of the things I often hear from women is they feel stuck and that something is stopping them from making choices, from moving forward, and in those moments they feel like they should just wait it out. As in lay low, not do all the things they normally do, and allow the inspiration to come to them first. I’ve definitely had my fair share of that feeling of pushing boulders uphill and not knowing why I was feeling stuck.

There are a couple things at play when something like this happens. First, you are deliberately self sabotaging and masking something else by this feeling. Second, you may be overworked and not taking very good care of yourself in a way that allows you to have the levels of energy you need and want in order to thrive in your life, business or work. 

How do you know if it’s self sabotage?

Ask yourself these questions:

Am I creating busy work for myself instead of doing the things that I know will make a difference for me?
For example, are you organizing things instead of making that phone call to have that hard conversation?

Am I delaying or overthinking things? 
I do this all the time – think about things rather than do them. This, however, doesn’t actually lead to any progress. It only leads to going around in circles and staying on a hamster wheel. 

Am I making excuses?
For example, “I don’t feel good so I just won’t do it.” or “It’s just not meant to be since I feel this way.”

The thing is, when you’re coming from a place of fear, a place of overthinking, or a place of it’s not meant to be, then you know you’re self sabotaging. In those times it’s important to tell yourself the truth first about what’s really going on for you. 

No matter what you’re trying to do, whether it’s grow your business, have a great relationship, lose weight, etc, ask yourself if you’re afraid of doing it because it’s so important to you? Or because you’re going to fail? Fall flat on your ass and feel like an idiot? Or you’re afraid that you’ll be judged? Or rejected? Or you’re afraid of standing up and saying what you really believe in and what you really want to say? Are you afraid? Tell yourself the truth. 

The underlying cause of self sabotaging behaviours is fear – and the sooner you admit to it, the sooner you can do something about it. 

If you’ve ever listened to or read any interviews with people that you would consider successful in our world, they will tell you that they are still afraid a lot of the time. The difference is that they have learned to manage their fear and walk with it instead of making excuses, getting into busy work or telling themselves that this must not be meant to be because I don’t feel like doing it. 

The biggest reason these successful people have achieve the level of success they have, whether financial, relationship, or happiness is because they were willing to show up and do the work, especially when they were afraid and things felt hard. 

The number one way to overcome self sabotage and thrive, no matter what age you are, is to show up when you don’t feel like it and make sure you are taking care of yourself so that you have the energy you want and need. Make sure you get enough sleep, eat well and exercise in whatever way is right for you, so that physically, mentally and emotionally you are there and ready to show up when it matters. 

The second thing to do to beat self sabotage is to generate the energy that will get you into a place where you can be productive. If you wake up in the morning and you don’t feel like getting out of bed, it’s your responsibility to use the tools that work for you to get your energy moving. This doesn’t mean you have to move mountains that day, but start your day with something that feels good to you so that you inspire yourself into action instead of waiting for the inspiration to magically show up on its own. 

That’s right, inspiration is one of those things that you don’t have to wait for – you can actually generate it. And the way you do that is you focus your energy on what you love doing: go for a walk, do a gratitude list, bake muffins, listen to a TED talk, or whatever it is for you. Then, as soon as you have your energy back, get to work on whatever it is you need to accomplish that day. Don’t waste those moments, use your energy to blast through the challenges you are faced with. 

To recap:

Walk with the fear because it’s always going to be there. 

Generate the energy you need to get the important work done. 

Stop telling yourself “I don’t feel like it, so that must mean that it’s not meant to be.” 

I invite you to try out these tips and let me know how things change for you.