I’m turning 40 next week. Obviously I’ve known that this was going to happen but I didn’t expect to freak out about it. But I did.
Did you freak out when you turned 40? Or maybe a friend of yours did?
In my conversations lately, I’ve had people tell me their 40s were or are the best! Others have told me to get over it, it’s just a number, nothing to see here. Others have stated that now I can expect all kinds of body changes, aches, pains, and other stuff I don’t really want to experience.
It’s amazing how much advice there is out there for women who are turning 40. Google it, you’ll see for yourself.
- Rules for makeup
- Rules for style,
- What to start doing,
- What to stop doing,
- What to stop saying,
- What to start saying,
- What to get over,
- What to let go
Some of it is terribly awful advice! Some makes sense. Some is even uplifting and inspiring and I was glad I found it.
But in spite of all these opinions on how I should or shouldn’t be handling this transition in my life, I decided to allow myself to experience it and all its facets.
On my own terms.
Have you noticed that when you give yourself permission to do it your way, whatever “it” is, it seems to become easier?
So, I allowed myself to freak out and really feel what’s going on inside.
I dove into the “what’s beneath those feelings?” question.
I’ve also just observed my emotions and let them ebb and flow without trying to change them.
I’ve asked what does all this mean about me?
I’ve catastrophized the worst case scenario, judged myself harshly, loved myself deeply.
And I think because I’ve allowed myself to ride this roller coaster, I stopped freaking out. I found peace and I celebrated.
It wasn’t always this way…
The old me would have clung to the judgments and ruminated over all the things I didn’t do, don’t have, and haven’t experienced, etc. In fact, I spent a great deal of my 30s in a cycle of emotional drowning and coming up for air only to nearly drown again in victimhood, despair, depression, and not-enoughness.
Even my 20s weren’t that glorious. I was just becoming self aware and the idea of personal responsibility scared me. I blamed a lot, had the worst post-natal depression after becoming a mom for the second time, and overall felt like I was missing out on life.
The blessing in disguise:
What my 20s did spark, after a very dark night of the soul (or two) is this path that I’ve walked since then. Actually, “walked” is too pretty a word – I desperately clung to the railings whenever I could find one to lean on, clawing my way up some invisible mountain, hoping to arrive sooner than later because I wanted relief from my own mind, emotions and circumstances so badly. Most of my 30s were spent searching and studying how to fix myself and heal from the wounds that had ripped me open when my father walked out and later as I became a mom.
How would you sum up the path through your 20s and 30s?
I hated the path and couldn’t wait to stop trudging along it from age 26 till age 37 when I saw a glimpse of hope for myself and at age 39 when I finally had my complete, mental and emotional healing. (Thanks to Wayne Dyer dying and the Akashic Records – but that’s another story).
All of a sudden I found myself loving life, loving myself and feeling happy for no reason. Happy for no reason? I was just noticing how weird that felt and then boom – I realized my 40s are looming.
But this time, I wasn’t going to drown or even tread water. After what I’d walked through this was going to be a piece of cake!
I knew I was strong enough, supported enough, smart enough. I was enough.
And I had all the tools I’d learned along my path that I knew I could rely on. And here I am, 5 days before the big day and I’m feeling settled and content. In fact, I’m inspired and in love with my life, and myself.
That path that I hated so much has been my biggest blessing and I now I have finally chosen to see it and accept it.
Would I change some things? Yep.
Do I still have forgiveness to do? Yep, especially towards myself.
Do I have all my shit figured out? Not even close.
But in a moment of grace today I saw my path illuminated in front of me just like a lightning bolt illuminates a valley at night. Where before I had been trudging with just a flashlight, now I could see it all and more importantly, I could feel it inside me. It had been there all along, I simply catch up to myself.
In that moment of grace, I let go of my hate for my struggle, my “failures,” my mistakes, my choices, my fuck ups, and many of my fears.
I said yes to the vision. I said yes to myself even though I knew only this first step – write this blog post, share this story – before you start overthinking.
We don’t have to follow terrible advice, rules about makeup, dressing our age, or any other dumb “should, must or need to.”
As women, we are wise enough to know what’s best for our bodies, minds, and souls, and now, more than ever, we have access to resources to help us get our happy.
We get to make our own rules and follow our own paths. It doesn’t mean we have to do it alone, reject anything about our journey so far, or change everything cold turkey. It means deeper self acceptance, forgiveness, choosing, and deciding from a place of inner knowing. How freaking exciting is that!?
Here’s to turning 40! It’s gonna be epic!
Kasia Rachfall is an intuitive coach, healer, and artist working with the Akashic Records to help spiritual women break generational patterns of feeling inherently broken so they can feel whole and have the freedom to accept their imperfect selves fully, at any age!
Grab Kasia's free audio course Feel Safe Feeling here to learn how to decode and release the difficult emotions that steal your joy, peace and happiness. It's a shitty day emergency kit for your emotional triggers.