Let’s talk self trust – what is it? What is it not? How do you get it?

This is a topic that comes up often in my sessions with women. The work we do focuses a lot on bringing them back to themselves by letting go all the stuff that they think is holding them back and that doesn’t belong to them, by releasing the past, the generational patterns of crap and thereby allowing them to create a life that they love living and not just a life that they tolerate. 

There are so many misconceptions that we often have about self trust. I’ve also found that there are myths that we buy into about self trust and I want to clear these up. 

Self trust is not a feeling.

Remember falling in love? Do you know that warm fuzzy feeling of petting your cat or dog or walking in the woods or enjoying a beautiful sunset? Self trust can generate a feeling like that but it is not only a feeling. 

Self trust is a state of being and a way of life. 

When we think that we don’t trust ourselves often that thought is combined with a negative emotion such as anger, sadness, or frustration because something isn’t going the way we want it to or the way we expect it to. This is when it’s easy to turn on ourselves and automatically assume that we must be doing something wrong or there is something wrong with us because the outcome of a goal we set wasn’t what we expected. It’s easy to make the meaning that we must not trust ourselves enough because things didn’t turn out how we wanted and…what now? Where do we go from here?

The truth is, those types of self conversations aren’t empowering or true. It’s not true that if you fully trusted yourself that everything would magically be better. It doesn’t mean that self trust is this magic pill that makes life all rainbows and unicorns. Life simply isn’t that ever. It’s an opportunity for us to grow, to expand, to face challenges, to get to know ourselves and self trust is an important component of that.

So, if you ever find yourself saying “If I just trusted myself more then I would be happier” , “I would succeed at everything, or “I would love myself more,” or “I wouldn’t procrastinate as much.” Are these things true? Perhaps. But talking to yourself in this way and expecting to build self trust doesn’t work. Self trust is a tool that we develop inside ourselves and not a magic pill that will automatically fix everything. 

Self trust is not a feeling. It’s something we cultivate and continue to grow as we live life. 

It’s a collection of habits that move us towards what we want. It’s also a way of thinking and a way of approaching challenges in our life so that things are more likely to turn out how we want or in a way that makes us feel successful and good about ourselves. It makes us feel that we did everything we could, we showed up 100%, and we grew through the experience regardless of what the outcome was. 

Self trust can also be looked as a strategy to get out of self sabotage. When we catch ourselves going down a self sabotaging road, we can rely on our self trust habit to bring us back to focusing on what we want as opposed to what we don’t want. 

It’s also our way of knowing that we’re on track and what the best course of action is for us. Regardless of what’s going on, when we trust ourselves implicitly and we trust our own decisions, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says. We can weight the opinions and the pros and cons, but ultimately we trust that no matter what step we take it’s going to be the best one for us. 

Self trust, then, is a way of knowing and a way of connecting to your innate wisdom and move forward rather than constantly second guessing yourself. 

Self trust is not a switch to be flipped – like walking into a dark room and turning on the light. It’s a practice and that’s how you get more of it. 

Where do you begin?

The first step is to release any past baggage that is standing in your way of not trusting yourself. Working with a coach or healer or therapist would allow you to uncover what limiting beliefs, perceptions, habits or patterns are stopping you from practicing more self trust and living from that place where you trust yourself. 

The second step is to practice trusting yourself. Again, it’s not a switch that just turns on. When you release your limiting beliefs and perceptions, your potential for self trust increases, and it can increase exponentially, but you still have to practice the game of trust. Much like a professional athlete has a talent for their sport – but they still have to practice their game. If they sat on the sofa all day long they wouldn’t be very good no matter how much talent they had. 

What are some of the ways to practice self trust?

• Gratitude and appreciation for what you’ve created in your life, for what you have, for who you are, for the challenges you’ve faced and succeeded at, for the mistakes you’ve made that you’ve learned from.
• Owning your own greatness and also owning your mistakes. You’re going to keep making them – you’re human – and that’s ok. What do you do after you make a mistake? Do you own up to it? Do you take responsibility for it? Do you learn from it? Do you move through it? This will create self trust in you. 
• Showing up to participate in your own life rather than just letting it happen to you. It will happen so if you can show up and meet it and stubbornly focus on what it is you want – and if you don’t know then start by figuring out what you want, this takes courage – and then work towards it instead of running away from things. Figure out what it is you want and take action towards it. 
• Being willing to try new things: not just new activities but new ways of thinking and being, new habits, new ways of feeling, new emotions, 
• Noticing all the ways in which you already trust yourself. It’s doubtful that you have 0 self trust – you have it in you already. It exists in you because you’ve made decisions and had achievements where you did trust yourself so fall back on those. Journal about them, dig them out, feel what it felt like to trust yourself and build on it. You already know how to do self trust, you simply want to do it more often and more consistently and practice it every day. 

Follow these tips and before you know it self trust will no longer be something that you feel is missing from your life. 

And if you need help with letting go of your past or getting to that place where you know how to practice self trust for you, then please ask for it. I would be honoured to walk you through the journey to letting go of the past and to your self trust and knowing what you want to create in your life. 

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