Our old habits and default behaviours live in our body and our unconscious mind and because our unconscious (aka subconscious) mind is so powerful, this is what makes it hard to change. 

Think about it, by the time you reach your 40s you’ve likely had the same routine day in and day out for years. Probably even decades. You have woken up, showered, taken care of your family, gone to work, maybe worked out, cooked, cleaned, laundry, tv show(s), talked to the same people about many of the same things, felt the same emotions, driven the same routes, eaten the same food. If you do, feel, and think the same things every day, how does that leave space for change?

We’re not even talking about any “bad habits” like people pleasing, saying yes to too many things, drinking too much caffeine or wine, eating too much sugar, judging yourself too much, complaining…we’re just talking about the usual things we do, think and feel every day.

You see, our unconscious mind is designed to make our life easier by learning what we want and then taking over those actions for us so we don’t have to think about them. And this is a great thing when it comes to tying our shoes, driving our car, writing our name, etc. Imagine having to relearn those actions all the time! Once we learn one way of doing something it becomes second nature and we don’t even think about it anymore. It becomes unconscious.

The same goes for beliefs and thoughts and the emotions they conjure up – we know we have them but we don’t know what they are unless we really begin to pay attention. When we want something other than what we’ve known, done, thought, and felt for years we need to contend with our unconscious mind because that’s where the change must take place.

Wanting the change is only the first step. In order to actually achieve change and not just fight with our willpower, we must become conscious of what we’re unconscious of. This doesn’t have to be difficult and doesn’t have to take a long time. In fact, you can begin by noticing your reactions, your inner talk, and habits in your current circumstances. This is where working with a coach or healer can be so helpful. It’s much easier to notice someone else’s blind spots and unconscious beliefs and habits than it is your own – especially when that person is trained to listen to what you say and how you say it. Our language is a key to what lies in our unconscious mind. 

You can begin by answering these questions for yourself:

– what always triggers me into an emotional reaction?
– what is my self talk when I have that reaction?
– where in my body do I feel it?
– what does it mean about me that I react like that?

It’s important that tell yourself the truth and avoid judging yourself. You’re not on trial here, you’re simply observing. Judgement will get you stuck even more because it puts you on the defensive and you start to justify why you are the way you are.

When you have a snapshot of what’s going on inside your body and your mind, you then have more choice about what to do next. For example, you can start by changing your routine, what you talk about, how you feel, and what you do. Combining these changes with strong, positive emotions that remind you of why you wanted to change in the first place will get you on the right path. (That’s why I love meditation and visualization – they help you experience what you want before it actually manifests.)

Change only becomes hard when we stay on autopilot. It can be very simple and go faster than you ever thought possible when you use the right tools and commit to your own greatness and highest good.