Have you ever had one of those days when it feels like no matter what you do your To Do list doesn’t seem to get any shorter?

And no matter how much you put in or push through it just feels like nothing you do matters?

You get frustrated and you feel like what’s the point, anyway?

I used to feel that way a lot. I work with women who often feel that way when we start: they have no meaning in their life because it feels like it’s just one action after another, one to do after another, an endless stream of stuff to do, more places to go, and for what? What’s the point of it all?

When you feel that way it almost feels like you’re pushing boulders uphill but you’re not seeing any progress. You might set goals but you never reach them or the change you want feels really, really hard. Kind of like hammering round pegs into square holes. 

I’ve definitely felt like that and my instinct has always been to push harder when things feel hard. That will often get me all worked up rather than productive. Does that sound familiar? You tell yourself “if I could just push through this; if I could just jump over this wall or keep banging my head against it then it will eventually move.”

But that isn’t always the case, and there is actually a neurological reason for this. 

What happens when we get in our heads and get all worked up, overthink and try to figure it out. Our brain goes into beta waves and then high beta waves which means it becomes more incoherent. This means you actually can’t think as clearly or reason well and you get more overwhelmed. At this point your emotions start to flood you and your body goes into fight/flight mode when all you’re trying to do is solve a problem. 

What can we do, then, when we’re trying to push forward and nothing seems to be working?

This is going to sound so simple but it works and the more  you practice it the easier it becomes. 

The one thing you can do in that moment of overwhelm is slow down. Slow the F down.

Stand up. Take a breath. Walk away and do something different for a few moments. 

I get it, this sounds so counter intuitive to when you’re a high achiever, a doer, and you love to cross shit off your list. To stop doing and get up and be still and breathe, or maybe go outside, maybe touch the grass, hug a tree, go for a walk, or take an extra big drink of water, to stop doing and to be is really uncomfortable. 

When you slow down like this there are a few things that happen. First, your brain calms down and moves towards low beta and/or alpha. If you’re really practiced at conscious breathing, for example, you can get into that place of mental stillness and you’re in a place of observation and your thoughts simply float along, you don’t really get attached to them and you don’t get triggered by them. That’s a really delicious place to be. 

The other thing that happens when you slow down and give yourself some space is you have time to ask yourself some questions that help to refocus you:

• What am I doing?
• Who am I being?
• Why do I want to do this?
• What does it mean about me when I get so worked up?
• Where do I want to go from here?
• What is my next best step?

You can ask yourself questions like this that can help you dig up some really quality self reflections and turn inward and reconnect to that place where you know the answer. When you connect to that place inside you where you know who you are, your enoughness, wholeness and worthiness, you remember that you already are all those things, inherently. 

Why do we have to do lists and do things? Because we are trying to achieve something and accomplish a goal, get an outcome and feel happy. Why do we do anything? So that we can be happy. 

Often we operate with this belief that when we get that thing, have that experience, or when that person comes into our life, then we will be happy, feel whole, worthy, and enough. And so we fill our time by doing, doing, doing, pushing those boulders uphill. Whereas if we could just be still and slow the fuck down, we would more easily connect to the knowing that we already are all those things: we already are enough, whole and worthy but we’ve simply forgotten it. 

We’ve become conditioned to doing to try to get back to the being. 

Have you ever noticed that when you stop pushing and slow down, things make more sense? You’re clearer mentally? You feel better and then you come back to that to your to dos and it’s so simple you think “why didn’t I see this before?” Because your brain was on overdrive, you were in a stress response, you couldn’t think clearly, and you weren’t connected to yourself.

You don’t have to do anything to be whole, enough or worthy or happy. You already are those things just by being. In order to connect to those states and feel them all you need to do is be and become that person in a conscious way. Not just by knowing it intellectually “yeah, yeah, I’m whole, I know,” and then go back to doing. This sends you back in circles to overwhelm and frustration. 

The number one tactic to really create what you want is slowing down because it gives you that awareness and connection to yourself. It gives you the space to ask yourself those questions and get clear about whether all the shit you’re doing is even what you want to be doing. There’s more to look at, of course. There are expectations, vibration, etc, but the first step is slowing down and becoming aware. 

Let me know how this works for you when you give it a try. If you’re someone who is a notorious doer, this will be uncomfortable at first. It will feel like a waste of time and productivity. But it’s not. I guarantee you when you truly devote time to this being and connecting to the core of who you are, which is whole, enough and worthy, everything else will work that much better when you do jump back into doing things and taking care of that to do list.