Michelle Ward, PCC, has been offering dream business guidance for creative women as The When I Grow Up Coach since 2008. You may have seen or heard her in New York Magazine, The Huffington Post, Etsy, Newsweek, Freelancers Union, USA Today, the Forbes Top 100 Websites for your Career List or 150+ other media outlets. She’s the co-author of The Declaration of You, which was published by North Light Books, and the teacher of Create Your Dream Career and Ditch Your Day Job, which were watched by tens of thousands of people live on CreativeLive. When she’s not coaching, teaching or speaking, she can be found building a fort for her little girl, sitcom-binging with her husband, or belting out show tunes. Discover, launch or build your dream business at whenigrowupcoach.com.

What is your story? 

It goes all the way back to being a small child – I’m only half kidding. I loved musical theater and performing and I was one of those really annoying people that knew what I was going to be when I grew up. I pursued performing until I was in my mid mid to late 20s when I finally was honest with myself that I didn’t want to do it anymore. It felt a but like I had lost my best friend and my right arm all at once because it was a huge part of my identity. Immediately I started asking myself what else could I do for a career that I could potentially love as much as I love performing? Back then I was not as optimistic as I am now; I was actually pessimistic about finding something I could love as much as I love performing. But it just wasn’t acceptable to me to just go find a job I don’t enjoy that I’d do for the next 40 years and then retire.

So, I went through the motions to try to figure out what am I going to be “when I grow up.” What became apparent was that I needed to work for myself in order to be happy, even though I was looking for something much more secure and grown up and safe. The second thing was I decided to essentially become the coach that I needed at that time but couldn’t find. Back in 2007 or 2008 I wanted to work with creative people through their career transitions and that’s what opened the door to becoming the When I Grow Up Coach.

After two years I quit my job as an executive assistant because I had enough clients and I’d saved up essentially five months severance for myself. I said “OK, I think this is the time to do this.” So, in the middle of the recession I gave notice to a very stable, secure job that was paying me more than enough salary and benefits and bonuses. It felt like a ridiculous thing to do but it’s been eight years now and some small changes and I’ve not had to execute Plan B or pull the plug or anything. It’s been it’s just been an incredible, amazing, fulfilling, insane, wonderful ride that I’m so grateful for every single day. 

Do you remember having a breakdown moment that stands out to you and what was it?

Stupid cancer. I had my first diagnosis in November of 2011 when I was 33 and full time in my business. And then I got diagnosed again in September of 2013. It hit me hard. I’ve never ever, ever had a breakdown moment where I’ve said “What what did I do? I hate my business and I want to burn it down! I made the wrong choice and I want to take it all back!” But when an unexpected horrible health diagnosis comes from nowhere it makes you question everything that you have and makes you look at things with a different lens. 

I ended up shifting things and didn’t have to wipe all my clients off my schedule. I took fewer clients because the main issue for me was I had to be at a certain place at a certain time for treatments. And because my clients just fall from the heavens and they are all just the most wonderful, kind, open hearted women, there wasn’t a single problem when I went to them and told them what was happening. We agreed to how we would make it work – and every single one of them was great about it. 

How did you know what to focus on?

I knew at that point I was just going to keep on what I was doing, so it was a matter of what am I committed to at this point? Can I continue and how can I continue? And from what I remember there wasn’t anything that I had to take off the radar. 

I’m really really bad at putting too much on my plate. so I had to be really conscientious of overloading myself and I would give myself too little to do. If I wanted and needed more I could always add something else. That’s how I prioritized things to avoid burnout. 

We all have our wake up calls and I wind up getting new clients right before their birthdays or around their big birthdays all the time – there’s something around getting older that makes us say “this is not acceptable to me anymore and I want to forge my own path and get to my thing over there.” 

Nothing’s guaranteed and we can really have this false sense of security and we put that above what’s really calling us. I blame society and I blame our parents’ generation and the generations before that because we were all taught, especially here in the States, this same trajectory of what your life is supposed to look like: the false story of college, work and life. 

We are grownups and we have grown up needs and values and priorities and no one needs to quit their job tomorrow, have no money or feel like they are leaping off a cliff. But we do need to detach from these stories about how you’re supposed to be an adult or that this is the only way to provide for your family. Or that if you do something for yourself you won’t be providing for your family and you’ll be putting yourself at risk. 

Do you remember having a turning point moment where you’re like yes this is it, I finally found myself, everything has been worth it?

The moment that stands out the most was when I taught my first 2.5 day Creative Life Class in 2014. Creative Live brings teachers in to teach all sorts of creative, business and self development classes. By the end of day two I was not getting any questions that I didn’t know the answers to. My whole performing background came in handy because I was in front of live cameras. I always tell my clients that they’ll have this hindsight moment when you’re doing the thing you’re supposed to be doing and you get this aha moment “oh, that’s why this and that’s why this and that all make sense now.” But while you’re getting there it’s not a linear line and you just have to trust. In that moment I really got it.

What keys or principles have you built your success foundation on?

It’s so cliche: be yourself. I call it your uniquity because I like made up words. 

This was a lesson that I learned too late as a performer, because I was really taught more how to blend in. But I’m loud and I’m comedic and it took me years to decide to own that. When I did, I would be called for auditions and shows because they remembered me and my energy. 

My website fully reflects me and I really just went for it right away. One day my dad, who definitely meant well, called me and said “this coaching stuff looks great but I have to tell you, I wouldn’t hire you based on your website.” Thankfully I kept my cool and took a deep breath and asked why. He said the copy was too casual and other things that were way too much for my Jewish father. To him it didn’t come off as professional. I was able to say to him thank you so much for the input but I’m not looking to work with 60 year old businessmen and I think people in their mid 20s through their 40s, who I wanted to work with at the time, are they’re gonna get it. I want them to know right away what it’s like to work with me and I’m going to stick to it. 

That was a very amazing moment for me because probably less than a year later I got contacted by a reporter from Newsweek who was doing a video article on life coaching and wanted to interview me and I was the only life coach in his segment. When that came out my dad said “you obviously know what you’re doing and I don’t know what I’m talking about. Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t listen to me!” That has been my biggest thing that I have focused on, I am unabashedly myself everywhere and it’s been a foundation for everything. 

What do you do when things feel hard? What is your self talk in those moments and how do you turn that around?

I have a sticky note here that says Choose Calm. I remind myself that for the most part my feelings from moment to moment are my own choice. I try to tune in less with what my mind is telling me and more of what my body needs right now.

My old belief was busy = productive = successful. I really don’t buy into that anymore but it’s still there, so I constantly hear in my head that I don’t have enough time, I’m not doing enough, not getting enough results, or not spending enough time with my family. I have to remind myself that I’m OK. 

I have a Bullet Journal and that’s been a huge help in terms of laying out my time. I set work hours for myself finally eight years into this business! It feels like I just have so much on the go and I’m going to need to work nights but I don’t have to! It’s good to learn for yourself what your most helpful structure is. 

I learned what I need to do for myself between the time that my daughter leaves for school and the time that I officially start working at 10 am. My own life coach articulated this so well to me “the shorter you make your mornings the more you’re in trouble emotionally for the rest of the day.” If I don’t take care of my own needs the whole day is panicky because I feel like I don’t have time.

Do you have other regular habits that contribute to your success?

Exercise

Meditation

Journaling.

Do you still have a biggest fear and how do you overcome it?

The cancer is a lingering thought. We tend to treat survivors as all better when they’re done with  treatment and they have all their hair so it’s over. But it’s always at the back of my mind. That’s a big reason why I’ve been so focused on my morning routine and exercise and keeping my stress at a certain level because I feel like it’s all related.

I also like being as present as I can and really get in the moment and I don’t let myself think about the future and what I might miss if I’m not here. I focus on being grateful for what I have in my life, my loving family and my thriving business, and friends and nothing feels wrong in that moment. It sounds like it’s cliché after cliché but being mindful and being present is so important. 

Is there something that you do that doesn’t serve you and at the level of success that you’ve achieved why do you think you still do it?

The comparing and despairing never goes away. It’s so interesting because the more success you have, you find yourself surrounded by other people who are also successful. And sometimes I’m happy for a friend who just had the six figure launch or she just landed a big client or a publishing deal but inside I’m not always happy. And I positively deal with compare and despair just like with any other emotion, you just have to feel them and sometimes hang out with them a while. 

Let yourself go there and be really upset and be jealous. But then I put my coaching hat on and I ask myself why am I jealous? And what am I jealous of? If I’m jealous of the publishing deal do I even want to write a book or am I just jealous? So I try to get clear on that and be honest with myself if I would want to do all the things she did to get a publishing deal or that 6 figure launch. Usually the answer is no. So you have to recognize what you want to focus on, and for me lately it’s to keep your eyes on your own paper!  

Are you as fulfilled as you inspire others to be?

I think so. I always feel super super grateful that I get to do this as my job and that it keeps growing and growing and growing every year. And not to sound like a jerk, but I know that my superpowers are optimism and enthusiasm and my clients feel really excited and capable around what they want to do, and I have that for myself in this business and I’m happy to know that I’m passing that on. I fully believe there’s just no shortcut to success or trust or confidence other than time and experience. And 9 times out of 10 clients are working with me for a few weeks or months and they get used to feeling that fear and doing it anyway, and taking baby steps putting one foot in front of the other. The more they do that the more they’re going to say “hmm, I see how this can work.” 

I’ve never worked with a client who figured out the What they’re doing for a business but can’t figure out the How. They let that sliver of belief that usually someone has when they decide to work with me just get bigger and bigger and bigger and that’s super exciting to see. That’s what lights me up the most. 

What is the best piece of advice that you’ve ever gotten that you always follow.

I’m coming up with the cheesiest things like following your own North Star and Being Yourself. I also have Operate From Abundance which I’ve been practicing lately because I definitely tend to operate from a scarcity mindset and I definitely have a money limit issue.

What does success feel like like in your body?

The best word to articulate it is pride and also excitement and fear. 

But we’re not like Snow White with the animals talking together and singing in the woods and “I should feel like that all the time, otherwise it’s not the right thing or I’m doing something wrong. You need to follow the fear and excitement and when you feel equally-ish nervous and excited about something, that’s the land of no regrets. That’s where you need to go. You need to just get comfortable with being uncomfortable. 

On the other end of it there is a sense of pride and I honor that. I went through it no matter what the results are. I proved to myself that I could do it. I finally did the thing I was talking about for six years and sometimes the results aren’t even what is successful or not successful, it’s the fact that you did it and there is that sense that sense of pride and having shown up and done something meaningful and important. 

Overall I’m a very enthusiastic and energetic person but this is not how I go about my day all the time. When I’m writing copy or I have to rewrite my whole website or sales page I don’t feel like Snow White! But I remind myself that I’m going to do it and I find the enthusiasm. There were some sales pages I’ve written that I’m so proud of because they feel true to me! And that’s another piece to success –  feeling like yourself most often. And that’s a goal that I always have with my clients the more you know yourself and can feel like you’re just yourself all the time that’s a huge success.

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What’s inside a thought leader’s soul? I always wanted to know! 

Years ago I received a Big Magic Idea about discovering the wer to this very question. Instead of just wishing I knew what made thought leaders tick, I got the brilliant idea to interview some thought leaders and then write a book about what I learned. 

That idea struck fear into the very heart of me and I shelved it. I didn’t actually need to know that badly what thought leaders thought or what success principles they lived by or what they did when things got hard. 

The thing with Big Magic Ideas is that they’re insistent and this one wasn’t leaving me alone. I rode the whole roller coaster of
Who am I do do this?
What if no thought leader wants to talk to me?
What if I fail?
…you know…that roller coaster?!

Then I turned 40 and I freaked out a little bit. The Midlife Funk came knocking to help me stop hiding behind fear. So, I made a list of 15 women who I wanted to approach and interview. I reached out to my community to help me put together a list of questions. And I sent the first messages out. 

A bunch of the women said yes!!

I loved conducting the interviews and hearing their stories, their triumphs, struggles, and wisdom. I was elated. I now had 120 hours of conversation to work with. I got the interviews transcribed and ended up with a gazillion pages of gobbelty gook…the transcriptions were awful! OH NO!! Now what? I don’t have the budget to pay an editor at this point, so I took the next year and a half to fix the transcriptions. 

In the end, the book has turned into a series of blogs with the most important parts of the conversations highlighted. I want the world to know how these 12 thought leaders think and what guides them. Their stories and wisdom are ready to go out into the world!