I seldom rant. How about you?
But recently I decided to get real about a topic that I’m super passionate about. And I got real on video!
I was pretty passionate and spoke with…I’ll call it…emphasis and I’m certain a ruffled a bunch of feathers.
Would you call that a rant?
I see ranting more as bitching or complaining about something. I spoke about what it really takes to heal. I wasn’t complaining, in fact, I was calling out the complainers.
Yep, I did!
And I had a bit of a vulnerability hangover after. If you don’t know what that is, read my post here.
What brought this on?
I got sick of hearing brilliant, intelligent, ambitious women putting themselves down, believing they don’t have what it takes to be successful or even be happier, and choosing to stay stuck.
Because it’s a choice. That probably sounds really harsh, stay with me.
When we experience shit in our life, and we all do, our first coping mechanism is typically stuffing down our emotions and just trying to make it through. Eventually, we become aware that we want to stop feeling the pain of those hard circumstances and we decide to look for something that will help us.
Or something that will save us.
Whether it’s a therapist, a book, a journal, meditation, a course, etc, we try to find a solution outside of ourselves that will help us feel better, release the shame, the disempowerment, the limitations, and the negative emotions we constantly live with.
The truth is, any solution that we find can only work if we choose to participate. And I mean really do the work, not just “try it and hope for the best.” Trying something leaves room for staying stuck when it gets hard. It’s a fierce commitment that’s truly necessary to transform and heal from our pain.
The tools we use along the way will work only as well as we decide to wield them because the real power of transformation lies inside us. Not outside us.
A solution women turn to is coaching and healing because it’s so much easier to go through that shit in our past with someone who can hold a loving space for us. But again, the power of transformation doesn’t like with the coach or healer. All they can do is shine a light on us, the rest is up to us.
And….the truth is, healing and coaching are not all rainbows and unicorns; it can be hard and it can feel like you’re slogging through a tar pit sometimes. And that’s because in order to get the transformation you want you have to retrain your body and your mind habits to focus your energy towards what you want. You have to be willing to look at your shadow and your shame. You have to be willing to answer hard questions you’ve never been asked before. You have to be willing to make different choices and decisions and have difficult conversations.
And not everyone is willing to do that. When it gets hard, it’s easier to say, “I tried, but it didn’t work. Oh well, poor me.”
It’s easier to complain because it helps us to justify why we’re stuck.
There is often secondary gain, meaning we get something out of staying stuck like sympathy, commiseration from others, the “right” to complain, asking for help from a hopeless place.
It’s also easier and feels safer and more comfortable to do the busy work instead of the important work that actually creates change.
I know because that used to be me!
Ever found yourself avoiding or telling yourself you don’t know? Or complaining to your friends that you can’t catch a break? And secretly hating and being jealous of those who appeared to have it all?
And feeling like you didn’t get the memo on how to create the success you want?
That definitely used to be me!
The thing is, the pain of what happened to us in life (or a past life) certainly hurts, but once we know we can change but don’t, it’s the pain of staying stuck that hurts more. Like I said, I lived this and I know all about this.
And I don’t know about you but I don’t like being stuck and knowing I can do something different. It’s my feisty side.
Which is why I decided to open up a conversation about what it really takes to heal and transform your life to have the time, money, relationships, confidence, self acceptance, all that yummy stuff!
Choosing to finally get past that thing in your past is going to require full participation. And there are some things you need to be prepared for if you’re serious about starting down this path.
Here they are in no particular order:
- Know that it’s not always going to be easy and that to heal yourself from your past you will have to choose to keep going even when it gets hard and when you unearth truths you don’t like. And you’ll have to keep choosing and keeping going and going and going.
- You get to choose and decide every moment to focus on what you want. (there’s a lot of science behind this, check out Dr. Bruce Lipton’s work or the movie What The Bleep Do We Know?)
- You must choose and decide some more and then choose and decide some more.
- Definitely ask for help from a coach or healer and be willing to receive the help. Because they can help you, but you have to participate because no one can save you, only you can choose and decide to save yourself, one step at a time.
- Remember that it takes a lot of energy to get moving in the direction you want to go, and once the momentum takes you and you fill up the hole of your emotional deficit, it gets easier.
- You have to choose to commit to your transformation more than you are committed to your pain.
- You choose and decide at every moment what you want to become more of your powerful self, your confident, whole, accepting self.
The path can be hard but it doesn’t have to be. You can enjoy the challenge and get excited about what is ahead for you: all the time, money, experiences, relationships, fulfillment, self confidence, self love, and meaning that you want.
Tell me, have you ever been afraid of what you’ll have to do in order to heal from your shit and live the life you want?
It’s a common fear but it doesn’t have to stop you. When you’re committed to your highest self you won’t mind the journey. So have the courage to begin.
Here’s the video I recorded so you can watch the full thing. I talk neuroscience and spirituality and everything in between. https://www.facebook.com/KasiaRachfallPage/videos/1319780204795104/
Kasia Rachfall is an intuitive breakthrough coach and healer working with the Akashic Records to help spiritual women break generational patterns of feeling inherently broken so they can feel whole and have the freedom to accept their imperfect selves fully.
Grab Kasia's free audio course Feel Safe Feeling here to learn how to decode and release the difficult emotions that steal your joy, peace and happiness. It's a shitty day emergency kit for your emotional triggers.