Getting Real about Coaching and Healing Work

Getting Real about Coaching and Healing Work

I seldom rant. How about you?

But recently I decided to get real about a topic that I’m super passionate about. And I got real on video!

I was pretty passionate and spoke with…I’ll call it…emphasis and I’m certain a ruffled a bunch of feathers.

Would you call that a rant?

I see ranting more as bitching or complaining about something. I spoke about what it really takes to heal. I wasn’t complaining, in fact, I was calling out the complainers.

Yep, I did!

And I had a bit of a vulnerability hangover after. If you don’t know what that is, read my post here.

What brought this on?

I got sick of hearing brilliant, intelligent, ambitious women putting themselves down, believing they don’t have what it takes to be successful or even be happier, and choosing to stay stuck.

Because it’s a choice. That probably sounds really harsh, stay with me.

When we experience shit in our life, and we all do, our first coping mechanism is typically stuffing down our emotions and just trying to make it through. Eventually, we become aware that we want to stop feeling the pain of those hard circumstances and we decide to look for something that will help us.

Or something that will save us.

Whether it’s a therapist, a book, a journal, meditation, a course, etc, we try to find a solution outside of ourselves that will help us feel better, release the shame, the disempowerment, the limitations, and the negative emotions we constantly live with.

The truth is, any solution that we find can only work if we choose to participate. And I mean really do the work, not just “try it and hope for the best.” Trying something leaves room for staying stuck when it gets hard. It’s a fierce commitment that’s truly necessary to transform and heal from our pain.

The tools we use along the way will work only as well as we decide to wield them because the real power of transformation lies inside us. Not outside us.

A solution women turn to is coaching and healing because it’s so much easier to go through that shit in our past with someone who can hold a loving space for us. But again, the power of transformation doesn’t like with the coach or healer. All they can do is shine a light on us, the rest is up to us.

And….the truth is, healing and coaching are not all rainbows and unicorns; it can be hard and it can feel like you’re slogging through a tar pit sometimes. And that’s because in order to get the transformation you want you have to retrain your body and your mind habits to focus your energy towards what you want. You have to be willing to look at your shadow and your shame. You have to be willing to answer hard questions you’ve never been asked before. You have to be willing to make different choices and decisions and have difficult conversations.

And not everyone is willing to do that. When it gets hard, it’s easier to say, “I tried, but it didn’t work. Oh well, poor me.”

It’s easier to complain because it helps us to justify why we’re stuck.

There is often secondary gain, meaning we get something out of staying stuck like sympathy, commiseration from others, the “right” to complain, asking for help from a hopeless place.

It’s also easier and feels safer and more comfortable to do the busy work instead of the important work that actually creates change.

I know because that used to be me!

Ever found yourself avoiding or telling yourself you don’t know? Or complaining to your friends that you can’t catch a break? And secretly hating and being jealous of those who appeared to have it all?

And feeling like you didn’t get the memo on how to create the success you want?

That definitely used to be me!

The thing is, the pain of what happened to us in life (or a past life) certainly hurts, but once we know we can change but don’t, it’s the pain of staying stuck that hurts more. Like I said, I lived this and I know all about this.

And I don’t know about you but I don’t like being stuck and knowing I can do something different. It’s my feisty side.

Which is why I decided to open up a conversation about what it really takes to heal and transform your life to have the time, money, relationships, confidence, self acceptance, all that yummy stuff!

Choosing to finally get past that thing in your past is going to require full participation. And there are some things you need to be prepared for if you’re serious about starting down this path.

 

Here they are in no particular order:

  • Know that it’s not always going to be easy and that to heal yourself from your past you will have to choose to keep going even when it gets hard and when you unearth truths you don’t like. And you’ll have to keep choosing and keeping going and going and going.
  • You get to choose and decide every moment to focus on what you want.  (there’s a lot of science behind this, check out Dr. Bruce Lipton’s work or the movie What The Bleep Do We Know?)
  • You must choose and decide some more and then choose and decide some more.
  • Definitely ask for help from a coach or healer and be willing to receive the help. Because they can help you, but you have to participate because no one can save you, only you can choose and decide to save yourself, one step at a time.
  • Remember that it takes a lot of energy to get moving in the direction you want to go, and once the momentum takes you and you fill up the hole of your emotional deficit, it gets easier.
  • You have to choose to commit to your transformation more than you are committed to your pain.
  • You choose and decide at every moment what you want to become more of your powerful self, your confident, whole, accepting self.

A great place to start any transformation and change is with a perspective shift. Get your free PDF guide on the 9 Perspective Secrets for Success and Inner Power. 

The path can be hard but it doesn’t have to be. You can enjoy the challenge and get excited about what is ahead for you: all the time, money, experiences, relationships, fulfillment, self confidence, self love, and meaning that you want.

Tell me, have you ever been afraid of what you’ll have to do in order to heal from your shit and live the life you want?

It’s a common fear but it doesn’t have to stop you. When you’re committed to your highest self you won’t mind the journey. So have the courage to begin.

Here’s the video I recorded so you can watch the full thing. I talk neuroscience and spirituality and everything in between. https://www.facebook.com/KasiaRachfallPage/videos/1319780204795104/ 

Kasia Rachfall is an intuitive breakthrough coach and healer working with the Akashic Records to help spiritual women break generational patterns of feeling inherently broken so they can feel whole and have the freedom to accept their imperfect selves fully.

Grab Kasia's free audio course Feel Safe Feeling here to learn how to decode and release the difficult emotions that steal your joy, peace and happiness. It's a shitty day emergency kit for your emotional triggers.

3 Secrets to Success

3 Secrets to Success

Have you ever compared yourself to really successful women?

You know, the ones who love themselves, accept their own flaws, ooze confidence and self trust, and whatever they choose to do turns out beautifully?

I’ll be honest with you, I used to be so freaking jealous of those women!

I was certain they knew something that I didn’t know…like they had a secret code to success and I hadn’t received that memo.

And I would beat myself up and think I wasn’t good enough and blah, blah, blah…insert your choice of victim mode here.

Does that sound familiar?

The truth is, the secrets to success and self love aren’t so secret.

Everyone can have access to the principles and practices that allow us to cultivate success.

BUT often they are so simple that we think they must not be true. Especially if you believe that to be successful you have to work hard and that there is virtue in struggling.

These are common beliefs and they are perpetuated in our lives through the media, our religious institutions, our schools, our families. Those beliefs around “hard work pays off” and “the early bird gets the worm” are motivational in theory. But they can also be like cement boots. 

If we decide that we aren’t working hard enough or we aren’t showing up as the early bird, we can really turn against ourselves. Living and working from a place of not enoughness and scarcity brings more not enoughness and scarcity, no matter how much hard work we do.

Achieving success, prosperity, health, or a loving relationship does mean we need to show up and take action. How we show up and the energy with which we take that action is even more important than the work itself. 

I spent a lot of years discounting the simple stuff that success is made of because of the limiting beliefs and old stories I had. Until a coach called me on it and challenged me to try something different. So I took a really big look at how I was using my energy in everything I was doing.

The energy of expectations, the evidence I was noticing, even the why behind everything I did. And I got really honest with myself. And I realized the sources of my self sabotage and where I could shift to tap into success. 

And that’s what I am challenging you to look at, too!

But where do you begin?

What do you shift first?

What is the most important thing to look at?

The most important place to begin is with your willingness to commit to yourself:

Are you willing to tell yourself the truth?

Are you willing to stop blaming yourself and others and take responsibility for where you’re at and where you’re going?

Are you willing to prioritize and build your energetic focus and connection to your inner power?

Clearing out our past pain which can keep us stuck is only part of the success formula. After that comes the building of who you are from the foundation that you are whole and powerful. This is a state of being and not just a feeling. And practicing that state of being takes consistent daily commitment. 

Three important perspective shifts or practices to commit to and begin living from are:

  1. Doing the mindset work regularly versus only when you feel shitty. Doing something like journaling or meditation once in a while can help you get over a shitty day, but when you practice empowering mindset habits daily, it helps you catch yourself before you fall into a funk and have a shitty week or month.
  2. Expecting things to work versus hoping for the best. When you take action do you hope it will work out and see how it goes? Or do you intend with conviction that the Universe is doing everything in its power to support you and will bring you exactly what you need, even if it doesn’t look how you thought?
  3. Knowing why you’re doing the things you do: is it because you hope to fix something you think is broken inside you? Or because you know it will help you become the best version of yourself and grow your inner strength and power?

Really take a good look at your actions, thoughts, and energy and how you direct them.Telling yourself the truth about what you believe, what you tell yourself, and why you do things will help you zero in on where you’re sabotaging your own success. 

Kasia Rachfall is an intuitive breakthrough coach and healer working with the Akashic Records to help spiritual women break generational patterns of feeling inherently broken so they can feel whole and have the freedom to accept their imperfect selves fully.

Grab Kasia's free audio course Feel Safe Feeling here to learn how to decode and release the difficult emotions that steal your joy, peace and happiness. It's a shitty day emergency kit for your emotional triggers.

Tips to make choices and decisions easier

Tips to make choices and decisions easier

What do you feel when you hear the word CHOICE?

Or the word DECIDE?

What does your mind immediately jump to?

For me those two words used to conjure up fear, uncertainty, feeling incapable, feeling trapped. 

Choices and decisions were very hard for me to make, too, because of a deep seated belief that nothing I choose or decide matters because it won’t work anyway. I was afraid to choose because that meant I could make a mistake. And I’d already made so many mistakes in my past! And I hated choosing because I felt like nothing would ever change anyway.

Does that ring true for you, too?

The crappiest thing was, I intellectually knew that to participate in creating a life you love we must make choices.

I’m sure you know this, as well.

But knowing this wasn’t enough. I had to break free of that belief so that I could feel safe deciding and choosing instead of constantly recreating chaos, struggle, feeling like a victim of circumstances, and feeling stuck.

The truth is, sometimes the choices are simple and sometimes they’re hard. And sometimes there is no easy and obvious decision and we must dig really deep for clarity.

And each choice we are faced with gives us the opportunity to get to know our beliefs, to release what no longer serves us, and to become more courageous in our life.

I have found that it’s the fear of making the wrong choice or of missing out on what you don’t choose that often stops women like you and I.

The truth also is that there are no wrong choices.

Each path you can take will invite you to grow, change, and expand, even when it doesn’t feel good.

It will require you to become more than who you are now.

It will push your boundaries and make you feel deeply.

When you’re ready for this and you know it’s inevitable you can face it head on from a place of strength, courage, and inner power.

When you expect there to be only 1 magical choice that will easily get you what you want you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

Make choices courageously and from your heart. That’s when the Universe puts wind in your sails.

 

 

Here’s an exercise you can do. Answer these questions for yourself and tell yourself the truth.

  • What is the easiest choice you ever made?
  • What is the hardest choice you ever made?
  • What made one easy and the other hard?
  • What did you learn about yourself as a result of each choice?
  • Which one helped you grow more?
  • Now that you can look back, what made the hard choice hard and the easy choice easy?
  • Now that you can look back, was any fear or uncertainty you felt around that choice justified?
  • If not, how can you tap into what you learned about yourself the next time you are faced with what appears to be a hard choice?  

 

Kasia Rachfall is an intuitive breakthrough coach and healer working with the Akashic Records to help spiritual women break generational patterns of feeling inherently broken so they can feel whole and have the freedom to accept their imperfect selves fully.

Grab Kasia's free audio course Feel Safe Feeling here to learn how to decode and release the difficult emotions that steal your joy, peace and happiness. It's a shitty day emergency kit for your emotional triggers.

How to build self trust

How to build self trust

On a scale of 1 – 10, how much do you figure you trust yourself?
(1= not at all, 10=completely)

I’ll be honest, I used to be on the very bottom of that scale. Sometimes even on the negative side!

And it’s because I used thing trust was a feeling. Sometimes I would have it and sometimes I wouldn’t. I spent (dare I say wasted?) a lot of time chasing the feeling because it felt good to feel that I could rely on myself. It was delicious, empowering, and freeing.

And then it would disappear and I didn’t know why.

 

Does that sound familiar?

You are on a roll, you’re making choices, it feels good, and then the wind goes out of your sails and you begin to question everything, especially yourself. The empowered feeling is gone and your attention goes from taking aligned action with your choice to analyzing and figuring out why it’s gone.

The thing is, self trust is not just a feeling. It’s a state of being.

When you embody self trust as a way of life, it’s a different experience.

Embodying self trust means no matter what is going on around you and no matter what you’re feeling, your trust in yourself doesn’t waver.

 

How do you know if you’re trusting yourself?

When you trust yourself you know that you can count on yourself to:

  • Make the right decision no matter what you’re feeling.
  • Take the best action moving forward.
  • Never second guess yourself no matter what the circumstances are around you.
  • Know how to return yourself to a place of inner power and strength.
  • Not require a certain feeling to validate your choices because you know you made the best choice for you.

I’m sure you have experienced all these before because we do tend to trust ourselves at least in some areas of our life.

How do you know if you don’t trust yourself?

  • You question your own decisions and choices.
  • If you’re having a shitty day you allow your emotions to run your mindset.
  • You constantly think you’re doing it all wrong.
  • You expect the worst – you prefer not to make choices and hope the Universe will steer you in the right direction.

What’s your go-to way of not trusting yourself?

I was especially good at constantly questioning myself and thinking I was doing everything wrong.

The thing is since self trust isn’t a feeling but rather a state of being we can cultivate it.

 

Wanna know how we embody self trust and live from that place of inner power where we count on ourselves?

The quickest way is by building the self trust muscle. Try some of these tips:

 

  • Look for evidence of when you’ve made good choices in the past and really celebrate yourself for them.
  • Don’t look too far into the future and worry that things won’t work out. Stay present in this moment and notice what’s already enough about it.
  • Check your expectations: do you expect things to work out or not? If not, dig deeper: why not?
  • Stop judging yourself, making yourself wrong and allow yourself to make mistakes.
  • And of course, ask for help when you need it. AND be willing to receive it. You don’t have to do it all on your own!

Trusting yourself also means you know when you need someone else’s support.

Building this muscle, like any other, takes time and consistency.

You got this. xo

Kasia Rachfall is an intuitive breakthrough coach and healer working with the Akashic Records to help spiritual women break generational patterns of feeling inherently broken so they can feel whole and have the freedom to accept their imperfect selves fully.

Grab Kasia's free audio course Feel Safe Feeling here to learn how to decode and release the difficult emotions that steal your joy, peace and happiness. It's a shitty day emergency kit for your emotional triggers.

How to Break Free from Expectations

How to Break Free from Expectations

“Every surface in my mom’s home was covered in baked goods on her baking day. She always said: what good is effort if it doesn’t bring value to everyone?

That was the philosophy she lived with and that was what I took on. And now I can’t do anything unless it feels productive.”

My client uncovered this old story that played in her life and decided she no longer wanted it.

It was time to rediscover her own value but she felt stuck in this expectation that wasn’t even hers. It had come from her mother and it was like a concrete backpack that kept her inner critic loud and nasty, her energy low, and her default set at feeling inadequate.

Have you ever had a pattern like that in your life?

I definitely used to believe that if it’s not productive or useful it’s not worth doing. And having fun or taking care of myself seemed like a waste of time, so it never made it onto my to do list.

Instead, my to do list was full of responsibilities, shoulds and have-tos that I took care of while the resentment built and I headed towards burnout.

Sound familiar?

Ever found yourself believing that you have to do all these things, please all these people, take care of this and that, and achieve, achieve, achieve?

Have you ever asked yourself why?

Sure, the usual “I have kids who need me; I have a home to take care of; I have a relationship to nurture…”

But where do you fit into that?

Have you ever asked yourself what happens to those responsibilities if you get sick or if you burn out and can’t show up? When your fuel tank runs out, then what?

I know you know this because you’ve heard it a million times: Put your own oxygen mask on first before… Blah blah blah.

So why do so many women continue to put themselves last and run on empty?

Because sometimes we don’t even notice until it’s too late.

We are tired, have low energy, and find ourselves complaining and then feel bad that we should be grateful but we can’t seem to find it in us to feel the gratitude.

We have spent time going, going, going and numbing our true feelings for so long that everything else feels numb, too.

We feel productive because we do but we lose sight of ourselves in the process. We desperately try to find meaning in the doing but it’s not there!

And then one day we want to try something new and we find ourselves feeling incapable and worried that we don’t have what it takes.

The truth is, that unless you feel like you can count on yourself and you know your own value intimately, you will never feel fully capable and worthy.

KasiaRachfall.com Your value is not tied to what you do.

Unless you know you can trust your own inner guidance and take care of your own spirit and energy, you will always feel at the mercy of the to dos and the have tos.

You will never feel accomplished or even finished and allow yourself to rest. You will always attach your worth and wholeness to doing rather than to simply being yourself.

To break free of this pattern it’s important to take a look at expectations. Really take a good, honest look at them and notice if you’re trying to live up to someone else’s expectations or your own. And if those expectations even make sense of if they’re just habits that you’d be better off without.

 

Start with asking yourself some powerful questions:

  • What do I expect of myself?
  • What do I think others expect of me?
  • Do these expectations allow me the freedom to be myself or do they squash me into trying to be someone else?
  • Where do these expectations come from?
  • What would it mean if I released these expectations?
  • Who am I without these expectations?
  • How do I want to be instead?

And then take one tiny, baby step in the direction of becoming that and notice how it feels.

I’m still practicing this dance with expectations and making sure I do things from a place of having my own fuel tank full.

I’ve noticed that I am more productive and feel more accomplished this way – and this surprised me at first.

Take the time now to answer these questions for yourself. Really dive deep and tell yourself the truth.

And share with me what you uncovered. What expectations are you ready to release? Who are you underneath all of those expectations?

Kasia Rachfall is an intuitive breakthrough coach and healer working with the Akashic Records to help spiritual women break generational patterns of feeling inherently broken so they can feel whole and have the freedom to accept their imperfect selves fully.

Grab Kasia's free audio course Feel Safe Feeling here to learn how to decode and release the difficult emotions that steal your joy, peace and happiness. It's a shitty day emergency kit for your emotional triggers.